As an avid cut a "friend" off participant, I had to learn to think things out before making drastic decisions every time my feelings were hurt. Some hurt was self-imposed. Some hurt was outsourced. Then some hurt was deliberately from people who really didn't love me but loved the thought of me. I had to take the time to distinguish which type of hurt I was experiencing and how to address them individually. My initial response to any type of relationship flaw was to "cut 'em off." I learned the hard way that that was not the best solution. The reason I write today is that I want to offer anyone willing to listen, a chance to learn from my mistakes. As I grow I write, and as I write I grow. Let's take this journey together.
Everyone's bad behavior doesn't qualify them for immediate and indefinite removal. Some people just need to be told that they are hurtful. Not everyone knows that they are salt to your wounds. Especially if you are the strong type that wears your heart in your boots and inside of winter quality tube socks versus on your sleeve like I am. I rarely share my emotions with anyone. I am stone-cold, and that is my biggest flaw. I've been too tough, for too long, and I rarely let anyone in. So let me lay out a few things that I have learned. Let's list them in the rules of the road mode.
🛑 Stop cutting people off for not spending THEIR money with you the way that you want them to. Especially when they support you in other ways. Support is more than just finances. You don't know what else they have on their plate if you aren't their banker, and they may just not be up for all you have going on. When they are ready to invest, buy, or partake they will. Don't lose a friend over unnecessary expectations.
🛑 Stop cutting people off for going silent when they are going through things. They cannot always be there for you when you need them. Instead, take a moment to step up and support them this time. Check-in on them and make sure they are okay. Be selfless for once and don't assume it is about you.
🛑 Stop cutting people off for having opinions. You will never agree with everyone all the time. Agree to disagree and stop trying to force everyone to see things your way. The beauty of positive relationships is that you can have enlightening conversations and draw off of one another's ideas and opinions and grow together through mental stimulation.
🛑 Stop cutting people off for making statements that make you question your own negative behavior. Sometimes your strongest critics love you the most. Real friends tell you the truth, even when it hurts. As long as it is respectful and not malicious, stop hating people for noticing, reacting to, and/or bringing up things that you hate about yourself. Appreciate the people that help keep your bad habits at bay. It's time to grow up, sis/bro!
Last, but definitely not least, 🛑 stop imposing your negative thoughts onto everyone. Everyone doesn't think like you. Everyone doesn't indirectly throw shots on social media whenever they are going through something like you, (if you are that guy/gal). It is always the one that is guilty of something to point it out in everyone else because they know it is what they would have done or are currently doing. Every time someone you secretly have issues with makes a post, they may not be talking about you. It's just a meme or post. This is social media. Most people are mediocre and are here for entertainment, not business, and post for fun. So many people, unfortunately, cap for no apparent reason these days. Even when nothing is wrong. I absolutely used to be guilty of this, in a sense. I never capped, or spewed opposition, hate, or negativity for those that aren't familiar with the term, just because. I was one that would share memes that pointed out character flaws that really got to me. I love sharing things I can relate to, but just because I shared it, doesn't mean it was directly meant for someone. Everything you read or see on social media is not a sneak diss. If something rubs you the wrong way, not to sound cruel, but that sounds like a you-problem. There has to be some truth to a post in order for you to get mad about it. Otherwise, you wouldn't pay it any mind. Stop punishing people for problems you have with you just because a status that they shared relates to you.
If it doesn't apply...let it fly. Stop putting on shoes that don't belong to you and putting wedges between you and your loved ones because you are unsure. Ask! Never assume... if bugs you that much. Speak up, and stop harboring your emotions. Otherwise, carry on. Even if their post was shade and meant for you; stop accepting letters not actually addressed to you. React only to what is directly said to you, if you need to react at all. Killing them with kindness actually does works. Trust me. If it doesn't work in making them stop, it will work for you in knowing you that you didn't lose yourself by trying to match someone's petty. Keep your favor intact by...here comes another #cliche...going high and never stooping to their low. I never ever stoop or respond to shenanigans. I keep it moving. If cutting people off is a must, just make sure it is necessary and not just petty. You may be losing someone great and they have every right to not want to return when you figure things out. But if a Betty is extremely petty and a threat to your peace, listen to Queen Bey and...
Take heed to these relationship rules of the road for a boss.
At the end of the day and after all is said and done, always remember...
Protect your peace, nurture your business, groom your emotions, hold yourself accountable, and most importantly, BOSS the hell up!